June 24, 2007
Hearts are only broken when there's something at stake, even though there's nothing really to lose except for a perception, but it happens nonetheless, and I can only say that, after a broken heart, a person is typically more at peace with things after the devastation wears away, so when looked at this way, the broken heart mends and the fall of life bends into a boon, or gift, one might say.
Before the word "love", or more precisely, before words, what was there? Remember a while back I told you that I take the world and dismantle my definitions, move beyond all perceived meaning, and see what I'm left with? It's a feeling, a sensation of some sort, and nowadays everyone makes it "mean" something as it relates to the story they've created for themselves. But if we remove all the meaning and just feel "this", then all we're doing is exploring the energy that "this" feeling brings.
If the meaning of things is pared away completely, meaning that there are none of those pesky, persistent thoughts (defintion = pesky, persistent thought = any thought at all = thought = meaning), I think that the overall blissful energy that we're left with is the closest approximation to the word love. Falling in love is possibly one of the greatest feelings in existence, wouldn't you say? It makes one high, able to fly on the wings of a pure sensation. We feel we can do anything and have no more fear of just about everything wecould possibly fear. It's this feeling I think we're left with without the meaning of things.
When I think of a situation that I might be concerned with, say, losing my job, then I get this feeling of dread at the implications of what this could "mean" to me. How will I live? Where will I get money? How will I pay rent? How will I find and pay for food, or gas, or clothing? Each one of these has it's own meaning, and, when thought upon, evokes such a contraction in my solar plexus that I'm literally frozen from fear. But, if I can see clearly enough to know that life will move on regardless of what it could mean to be unemployed, then there isn't a problem, because I know that things will work out, and if they don't, then they work out anyway, but only because that's the way it was supposed to be, so I persist in a constant state of energy that feels very akin to loving expression.
The question is what to do with the energy? We create. Making all of "this" about the creation of your everyday kind of allows you to let those perceived negatives go. Imagine what one could create if they truly understood that gravity didn't exist (I haven't yet discovered how to fly, so obviously the meaning of gravity still carries some weight in my mind)! Whatever we want to happen will, because you go after what you want and create a way for things to be okay no matter the circumstance.
What does it mean to me to say or hear "I love you"? Well if I remove the storyboard element (i.e. the romance of falling in love, the social implications of what it means to be in such a state, etc...) then all it means is that I'm hearing or saying something that already is this constant state of awareness by energy. So, with this outlook, to hear "I hate you" would still be the same thing to me, because I'm already in the constant state. And truly, if I were see into the words spoken by the individual, I would understand that this person, who must hate for whatever reason, is really in the same state as I, except they're making meaning where there truly isn't any to begin with, and so they are in a hellish place, because to me, whenever I've hated someone in the past, it's me who's felt torn apart by that hatred, not them, even though I tried to make them feel the way that I did. But if I feel the burning of that hatred toward someone, and let's just say that they don't feel it at all, and go about their life, happy, despite my feelings for them, then who has the problem?
I had an interesting experience recently where I actually had feelings for someone, but they weren't returned. I still felt this feeling, but, instead of pining over or cursing upon this person (like I normally would), I took this blissful feeling and just experienced the world through it, and I have to say that it was probably the most contented two days of my life. If only I hadn't made up meaning in my life elsewhere to destroy the sensation. If only I could have stayed in that place and spread that energy around to everything and everyone I came across. I did, to some degree, and still instill that feeling to all things in my life, because it feels so damn good!
I definitely think we were supposed to meet each other when we did. I learned a good deal from you, oh sensei of getting what you want, and apply those insistent attidtudes in my everyday life, because we all deserve to get what we want, all we need do is go after. I think the difference between the way you and I go about it is in the way we perceive the world around us. You see that the world is full of liars and cheats, whereas I see a world full of beauty and wonder (here's the part where you get your shovel ;' ). Even though you've intimated this very thing to me about the status of the day's barometer, you look at those places you think are not beautiful, like humanity, and can only see liars and cheats, but it's all underneath those liars and cheats knitted neatly into the fabric of your life, created by mind, which we preposterously think we are. Yes, I still see it when they lie and cheat, but instead of becoming incensed, I just understand it as all the more of what this fantastical world has to offer.
There's nothing in this life that can truly be taken away from you that would make you anything less than you are. If I lost my arms, it may take time to get used to, but get used to it I would. Would I really have any other choice? Does it make me any less than what I am now, which is to say, right here and right now? You're already that whole individual regardless of the outer layer you choose to wrap yourself in. That layer changes on a daily basis, if you haven't noticed, although I'm sure that you have, so I see past it as the creation of our world, even if that causes some form of anguish. That anguish is a gift. It shows us where we are and what it takes to tear us down (like pushing a person's buttons). If I get a button pushed, I'll shine the light of my consciousness and understanding of the world, to discard the need for that which would tear me down (not that I'd like to lose my arms of course!). But ahhh, Life is Wonderful, is it not?
Like I said before, I'll always be here (where else would I go? even if I went to Timbuktu, I'd still be right here and right now), so anytime you want to talk the "fuzzy", just let me know. Talking/typing from this place is what it's all about.
Derek
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