The Majesty of Momentum

The Majesty of Momentum

A little bit of momentum for the moment has built up and I'm a couple of feet off the ground. I've taken my chances and rolled the dice, but not so hard this time. When I say that we're all God, I don't mean that this ego perception of us is God (although it is, just diluted down into definition), because ego is the way out of the perceived in. The way I see it, we're all "crazy" personified in some way deep down, we've just developed enough cognition to keep our mouths shut lest someone from the outside looking in spread the word, and, we're kind of chicken shit on some level to get a mud spattered reputation for whatever reason. I don't know, I kind of like it when someone develops a predisposition about me based on surface level detail, because, at some point, if they're around me long enough, I get to see that part of their ego crumble into a love they never knew they had (an ego piece, I know, but we all have'em).

So we have two of us in here: There's this Other that's been a contracted response to a world that's caused pains and pleasantries and the actions of effect based upon them. This Other is a powerful voice inside telling us to fear and not open up. It's telling us that we're not good enough to do whatever it is we set out to (if yours doesn't tell you this, well, good for you, but notice that it's telling you something). And, there's this One that's always the same and never changes no matter how many instances of life are lived. It doesn't verbally tell you anything per se, but it does gift you with the feeling of things, which can be translated into words if you need it, which is just a filter for your own protection. The Other is a mask worn for protection from discovery and is based upon the social extravagance that's built up over millennia. Some of us build our masks so effectively that entire masses of people are duped into a love belief outside of themselves (maybe "duped" is too harsh a word, we're all looking for love from somewhere). Others have built these masks from precocious, ferocious make believe last stands, fighting off the evil that's not in harmony with them with every ounce of their being (exhaustive, that). But the fight's the same whether we make a reason to love or hate; it's the reason made that puts us in our egregious states.

This One that I'm referring to has no reason, no rhyme scheme, no class, no style, no sedimentary piles of what it thinks it is, it just is what it is, and has such a flow that I don't know how deep it actually goes, if deep is indeed the direction. It does, however, seem to manifest itself through your own sense of style that you get to apply for your Other's enjoyment (is the Other such a bad thing? What's bad mean anyway?). So the Other is constantly fighting this One based on it's perceptions of the world of response and protect, instead of repose and connect – so many different ways and sets of beliefs, so many ways to cause destruction in the "name of", but let's steer clear of the potbelly ideals of wars and terrorist saboteurs for while – no, no no, how about forever. So what about the all battles of attrition that political motivations have made it's mission to defend (you can do what you want with your energy and so can they, I won't waste much time with mine, it's all too short to begin and end with)?

Let's take it to a bit more personal level and a bit closer to home (although it's all the same thing when looked at the right way): there are person-to-person skirmishes being fought every day, little tricks and games that we play to try and get the other party to think in their head about what the party of the first part really thinks in theirs. What a wasted effort (to me anyway). We could be using that energy to create for ourselves and not make anybody else create something that they wouldn't want. It could be argued that this is what some want to create for themselves: turmoil for others in their own experience. Fears, anger, given offense, and None Taken, intrigue and mistrust, it's all the same in exaggeration of an Other state that mates with its own sense of self satisfaction. The One, in a way, doesn't be that way; it just guides you on your way to where you really want to go. But these little games exist and persist anyway, so there must be something that can be done to fig'r out how to not be swayed by those who would seek to do so for their own sadistical perpetuations (eesh, so what, huh?)…

It's in the real, or keeping it so, as truthful as you can come to grips with (those who have the courage grip it). Meditation is a good way of keeping things real, I hear, to clear out the clutter of your mind. I used to make the attempt at my own method of heron meditation. I'd sit, for however long, trying to elicit an altered state. Sometimes it would work and I'd be in a place of such energy and bliss that my Other was long forgotten. But then I figured out, by way of the effortless feel, that I can just sit wherever I am and dip deep into the pool. But that's weird from the window shopping perspective, people looking in at you just sitting there, "What are doing!? Why are you just sitting there!? DO SOMETHING!?" But sitting there and not feeding your Other its "needs" for familiar feeling 

Love is the sword inside your soul and the only wielded shield necessary for protection, because when you love someone, you're completely unconcerned for you own safety. "Sure, but you can't love everyone," you say, "That'd be impossible." But would it? It doesn't have to be about a person in specific (that asshole who makes you feel small because they feel small inside, the jerk who thinks they know something, because they want to feel bigger and better, etc…), it can just be about the effortless depth of rolling with it (the assholes and all. When you find that yourself "in it" it doesn't matter what comes your way). Some might also purport that it's more fun this way (to fuck with the head of the weaker, but I've heard some circles say, "What's fun? I'm in bliss.") I hear it all the time, about how someone wouldn't want to give up their pain because it makes the pleasant so much sweeter, but, bullshit. Why give yourself up to the rack and gallows, when so much sweeter is the mainstay?

Do what you want and I'll make my own way, but I want to see, in the remaining bits of day, myself in service and love, because fuck, man, it feels too damn good, losing track of the time, and finding that place where the energy graces itself through me, it's the energy that animates us, it's the energy that we are contained in (or that we are) and not the other way around. Don't see it as mystical, or spiritual, or religious if you can't handle it. See it as a scientific fact (ick, though, let it go, eh?). If energy can neither be created nor destroyed, then I guess that means that what's here as far as energy is concerned, is here to stay and will and does pervade all things (a Good Orderly Direct concept if I've ever heard it). Who am I to say anything about what it is to be though, right? All I know is my own exploration and would rather keep it that way. No more trying to figure someone out to prove to myself that I can, and to keep someone in a little box because it makes me feel smart and safe.

The ego does this little song and dance when I say the word "service" (to jump around a bit), like you have to be some subservient driveller who has to serve those in command, but we're in command, of our own exploration anyway, so why not serve the needs of others when the need arises? Not that I would do someone's laundry if they demanded it of me (I would if they didn't have the means and I did at the time, but that probably wouldn't come out as a demand, and I wouldn't do it out of an obligation, I would do it because why not?), or wash their unmentionables with my tongue, or dig a hole and then fill it back up, twice, but it's just in the attitude of not attempting to control, or, to put it another way, the attitude of just being there, as you, without the fear of deep down exposure. That exposure can be a gift to see where release can happen. The service of which I speak is service to the continuity in the moment. To me, it implies work and effort until the effort becomes effortless (egoless) to keep the moment flowing just like during "good times", there's no assembly required.

Okay, so I may be making this all up, hopping on top of my soap box holding a sign that reads, "Smite ye down oh vile sinister sinners!" For some reason though, I'm only reveling in what it is to write down words within this energy and manipulate that energy into a painting that I find entertaining. The words on the page truly have no meaning save for the one take from it. If you have to sit back and say, "Jeez, Bernie, let it go," then do what you want with your energy, I'm allowing you to by way of focusing on my experience. These are the words that are coming out for now, I don't know what specific locale they're coming from, and don't rightly care, although I used to. I used to think about the grand insight I'd have and be so excited to share them with people, but because I looked so smart. Bah! So what about all that! What a wasted gift. What wasted effort. Give me a pen and paper and I'll paint you a picture because it's a pretty kick ass feeling to be "in it" in the first place. Give me a guitar and I'll play the color swirl and just let the words unfurl from this "in it". If my voice cracks I'll make it pastel. If I sing off key it'll be the rough brush stroke that was always meant to be.