So Let's Rebut With More

So Let’s Rebut With More 

So let's rebut with "more". The word "more" - to me, since so many people seem to need the qualifiaction that I'm not really including the globe in it's entirety in my opinion, possibly because their sense of self isn't strong enough to realize that the fact that I'm saying it (not you Doc, I know you get this) would make it seem relatively obvious, again, to me, that it is the way that see it and not necessarily the way that everyone else does, hence the words "to me" (I will forever refer to this email in all of my writings as Doc P) – defines a perspective of having, needing, or wanting because we think we see that there is more to have and to hold than what we already have and hold within ourselves (and yes, I realize that I want for things, so I'm not above this principle, but I work on it everyday, and not by way eliminating things from my life out of fear, but more out of the realization that attachment is the warm wet tongue on the frozen flagpole of forever), as if we ourselves aren't enough for us to feel fulfilled. But it's interesting to me, nowadays (it didn't used to be so interesting), that we look into the possibility of a love/romantic involvement as a completing event, as if we needed it to make something whole within ourselves, when really, it's a constructed game created by, at first, an ecological need, then ultimately developed into a sociological foreplay that meets with it's orgasm by way of the broken heart. And if there's anything I really get about life, it's that all human construct,whether physical or otherwise (i.e. marriage/relationship, the effiel tower, race and nationality, the pyramids – notice how I leave out the word "great" – gender, Odin's beard, necromancy, Uncle Charlie's snorting noise that you know probably just developed as a result of too much cocaine use, but you're pretty sure that more than half the time he gets a minor amusement out of doing it on purpose because, really, who needs to snort fifty-two times at Thanksgiving dinner...wait, why did I even count?, women's accessories, Mtv, pornography (bestial or otherwise), families, religion, bricks, diamond rings, yesterday's newspaper, liquid soap, bars of soap, tomorrow's newspaper, and I hesitate to include any of those organizations who would assign assassinations for such heresy) is all hogwash by impermanence, especially when taken too seriously, and is at best a pleasant distraction, like any other common everyday highly addictive drug when taken intreveniously through the dance of living life. Sure I understand that all these things exist and I'm even willing to go so far as to ask, why not participate in them if we want to? But when we make it such a big deal that we feel the need to breakdown or break somebody's face, it just seems like we're not really doing it for the joy anymore...may I please get a witness to corraborate these words? 

So "more" is either total horse manure or it's dancing a couple of grace notes inside the beat of a fancy tune, and how many times do you feel you deserve anything while you're dancing, let alone "more"? I'm willing to wager none, because you're just dancing. And how many times have you ever deserved to get caught up in hogwash? I've never felt that I've deserved it, I mean, how is that fair to the hogs? 

And so you're right, my dear Doctor, there has been a pattern, whether real or imagined, emerging in my life as far as relationship and betrayal are concerned, and so, just because I deserve "more" (which is pure opinion believe you me) to emerge from out of the social milieu to have someone in my life who won't betray me, don't you think that I just might, entering into that new deserved relationship, keep that pattern alive in mind form and then manifest it into my everyday experience out of a fear of it happening? And then, wouldn't you think that if I feared so much and so often I might begin to act as though it were happening, which very well may even end the relationship or cause that which I fear to happen!? And if I didn't do these things, and could somehow feel comfortable with my newfound love/romantic relationship, then wouldn't I be putting a piece of me to sleep on the pre-school cot comfort food of social pardigms, leaving me in a twitterpated state which is not very fair to me or the person I'm with? I want someone who's awake and not easily lulled by lulliby of need to take a snooze through overabuse of over-indulgence in what society demands of us just so we can appear normal to an outside perspective. Normalcy is mundane from my perspective. Normalcy is asleep.

If the goal is to remain awake in a metephorical sense, then the problem of deserving "more" lies within me and nowhere/one else. People will do what they do and if I can't find enough love for them to live their experience, then I'm finding fear for protecting mine instead, and that's such a shitty place to be that I would prefer the love, not out of a denial, but because the social construct of the image (meaning your typical everyday situation) "is what it is". So, now that I've experienced the worst in relationship and found love on the other side of it, then, if the end of the "relationship" does actually occur (which is a minor misnomer given the fact that the only way a relationship can cease to be is if we sever all ties forever and ever somehow, but even then we could ponder upon that person and the relationship still persists, so we'd have cauterize the memory(ies) of such an individual) I can walk into the next relationship with the absence of fear of betrayal and be only loving with the romance of getting to watch them grow into themselves in ever deepening ways and even grow myself as a result of the contact. Now that's romance…wait a minute…were we discussing romance?