Some Fun With Identity Thieves

10:34am Maximillian
Hey!
You there?
?
10:35am Derek
Hey Max
how's things?

10:36am Maximillian

Not too good here
I`m in a huge mess as we speak
I need your help urgently

10:37am Derek
oh?
what's going on?

10:38am Maximillian

I`m currently out of state now
And i need you to help get back

10:39am Derek

what can I do to help?

10:39am Maximillian

I need you to loan me some few cash down here to my name via western union money transfer

10:40am Derek
oh yeah?
how much are we talking?

10:40am Maximillian

I`ll refund it back as soon as i find my way back home
$820

10:40am Derek
yikes. that's a pretty tall order
where the hell are you anyway?

10:41am Maximillian

I`m far from home
I`m stuck in London,England

10:42am Derek

Jeez. How have you been?
it's been a long time

10:42am Maximillian

I`ve been out of state for about 2 days now
Do you know how to get the sum down to me here
?

10:43am Derek

pretty sure I do.

10:44am Maximillian
Good

10:44am Derek

hey, why'd you fly all the way to England just to need to come back two days later?

10:44am Maximillian

I`m at a local library as we speak
Pls be fast

10:44am Derek

yeah right. Max at a library
that'll be the day
c'mon, where are you really?

10:45am Maximillian
London

10:45am Derek
some whore house or something?

10:45am Maximillian

I`m at kentish town at the moment
Darek i don`t have much time on here to spent

10:45am Derek

weird. hey, you remember that time we all went to that club in Granite Bay, man that was a heavy duty night.
hey, what's happened to your grammar?
you used to be really good with your words.

10:46am Maximillian

I need you to help get this done on time

10:46am Derek

oh? why the urgency?

10:46am Maximillian

You kidding me

10:46am Derek

yes
yes I am
I'm sorry

10:47am Maximillian

Its too scary and brutal here

10:47am Derek

in London, England?!
the most proper place in the world?

how much did you say you needed?

10:47am Maximillian

I need to get flight ticket back home in time

10:47am Derek

in time for what?

10:47am Maximillian

$820

10:47am Derek

out of curiosity
wow, you can get a flight out of london to the US for $820 in one day?

10:48amMaximillian

Lucky i still have my passport with me as an identification to pick up the moneyhere
here

10:48amDerek

that is lucky
wow, you can get a flight out of london to the US for $820 in one day?

10:48amMaximillian

That`s what the embassy told me

10:48amDerek

which embassy?

10:48amMaximillian

It ill be better if you can help wire the money online now as we speak
US embassy here in London

10:49amDerek

oh yeah?
Hey did you run into a guy named Thomas?
he's a buddy of mine from high school
he might be able to help you out of a jam
you remember him right?

10:50am Maximillian
Hey!

10:50amDerek

hello

10:50amMaximillian

How much can you afford to loan me
?

10:50amDerek

What about the Embassy again?

10:51amMaximillian

The embassy told me to get a return ticket

10:51amDerek

how come?
is there some situation?

10:51amMaximillian

The prob is that i did`nt book a round trip ticket and all money i got on me have been stolen by some muggers who attacked me

10:51amDerek

hold on
you were attacked?
man, are you okay?

10:52amMaximillian

Yea
I was mugged at gun point last night

10:52amDerek
damn

10:52amMaximillian

That`s why i`m on here

10:52amDerek

just like the good'ol day huh max?

10:52amMaximillian

My wallet and card were stolen away from me

10:53amDerek

oh no.
that's horrible
what can I do to help?

10:53amMaximillian

That`s the point
I need you to help wire the require sum online now to my name
Via western union money transfer

10:54amDerek

you need money?
how much?

10:55amMaximillian
$2,000 Usd

10:56amDerek
yikes. that's a pretty tall order
did you go to the embassy yet?

10:56amMaximillian

Can`t you get that for me?
Already been there

10:57amDerek
what did they say?

10:58amMaximillian

I`v been told to get a return ticket
How many time have i say this
I told you already earlier
How much can you afford to help with?

11:00amDerek

Hey, do you remember Thomas? I hear he's working out there. He had to get out of the county, on account of that psychopath Helen. Damn she was nutty. I remember you guys were really tight. best friends. He might be able to help.
I'll call him
for you
where are you again?

11:01amMaximillian
Fuck u
Bagga

11:01amDerek
whoa whoa whoa

11:01amMaximillian
Idiot
11:01amDerek
what's with all the language?
ok ok
I'll wire you the money

11:02amMaximillian
Wasting ur father time

11:02amDerek
just stop calling me names?
wasting my father time?

11:02amMaximillian
You fucking with me

11:02amDerek
Max, c'mon, we're buddies, you know I wouldn't do that

11:02amMaximillian
I need you to help me out of mess

11:02amDerek

I hear you
what can I do to help?

11:03amMaximillian
You telling me all sort of rubish

11:03amDerek
rubbish?
you've been in London too long

11:03amMaximillian

How much can you afford to send

11:03amDerek
send what exactly?

11:03amMaximillian
Money
You`re telling me story

11:04amDerek
I am?
ok, how can I send it
?

11:04amMaximillian

Western Union

11:04amDerek

They have Western Union in London?

11:05amMaximillian

Yes
11:05amDerek

wow
will wonders never cease huh?
hey, did you try the embassy?
that's pretty bad that you were attacked.
11:05amMaximillian

Iya la yai

11:05amDerek
and those Britts are always so proud of their manners
Iya la yai?

11:06amMaximillian
Hey you talk to much
too much man

11:06amDerek
you're always saying that
that hurts my feelings
I can't help it.
these keyboards make me all nervouse

11:06amMaximillian
Then bye
Forget it

11:06amDerek
no
wait

11:06amMaximillian
I`ll never forgive you

11:06amDerek
ok
I'll loan you the money
how much was it again?

11:07amMaximillian
$2,000 USD

11:07amDerek

yikes! That's a pretty tall order
when do you need it by?

11:08amMaximillian
Now now

11:08amDerek
oh yeah?
why so fast?

11:08amMaximillian

I need it now to get a flight ticket
Stop all this shit

11:08amDerek

a flight ticket to where exactly?

11:08amMaximillian
I said you should`nt ask me anymore question

11:08amDerek
you did?
was that a question...?

11:09amMaximillian

I`ll remove you from my friends on Fb now if you still continue to ask questions
11:09amDerek

wait, please don't do that. please.
what can I do to help?

11:10amMaximillian
Fuck it

11:10amDerek

you never used to cuss so much max

11:10amMaximillian

You must be kidding with your parent and not me

11:10amDerek

what's happened?

11:10amMaximillian

Ashole

11:10amDerek

are you okay?

11:10amMaximillian

Get lost

11:10amDerek
umm...
where?

11:11amMaximillian

If you`re serious you`ill have done the transfer and not keep on asking how much and how could you help
Just fuck it

11:11amDerek

but why?

11:11amMaximillian

I`ll be removing you straight away

11:11amDerek
okay okay, remove me then
but I won't loan you the money if you do

11:11amMaximillian

You`ill have done the transfer

11:11amDerek
what transfer?

11:11amMaximillian
Lolz

You don`t have money
Bye

11:12amDerek
Max, I'm crushed. is that all mean to you?

11:12amMaximillian

Fuck your generations

11:12amDerek

Fuck my generations?
I don't understand...

May the Sky Walker Be In You

I was re-reading an email to a friend where we were discussing the merits of examining the feeling of a friendship/relationship (human or otherwise) and the word "feelings" stood prominent. When I feel around the edges of the word and what it means to me, a big chunk of it seems to be culturally driven. We're a culture of cowboys and injuns, where action reigns supreme over inner contemplation. Not that cowboys and injuns isn't an interesting way to take life by the horns mind you, but I've been thinking lately about feelings and their connotations, and typically, when the word "feelings" is brought about, the word is uttered in my mind as feelings, painted by exasperation and slight disdain, which makes sense from a cowboy perspective, because what does gelding a bull have to do with your feelings (italics don't really punch the exasperation very well, but whatever), point in fact, I would imagine that, by practice, one would want to be as far away from their feelings as possible whilst engaged in the act. But if somehow the take on feelings could be psychologically re-framed in such a way so as to associate the cowboy sense with it (a sense of hardness, or toughness, wrapped in a flour tortilla of humor and sprinkled with severity of action to do what's necessary), I wonder what that would do to the notions of cowboy. To me it seems the word "Jedi" would be appropriate.

Let me s'plain...no, is too long, let me sum up:

I was in the shower today (bear with me), and washing my hair, and I suddenly became aware of my actual hair. Not that I felt for every strand, but that I had an overall sense of my hair, kind of as its own entity. "My Hair". I could feel its essence and existence and the relation I had to it, and I was thinking, it's not like I can feel my hair when I'm not touching it, it just sits atop my noggin. Nor can I see it, but as I touch it, with my hands, there's a kind of feeling and associated image that comes up, almost like an understanding of some sort.

If I were to close my eyes and touch some random object, but I had never seen it before, then I wouldn't necessarily know what it was, but what's funny is, something would come up; some kind of image and/or feeling provided by what some might call “mind”, but I don't think that's the case. I think the mind only acts as a filter for the curious inquisitor. As if, as soon as the question comes up some kind of energy is supplied from what I could only call the ether, for lack of a better word at the moment, which is then translated into something a little more palatable for the sissy mind to stomach (maybe I'm being too harsh on the mind here, but don't we, when we're not affected by something, say, if some food dropped on the floor, some people may be repulsed by the notion of picking it up and tossing it back, but those who couldn't care less would probably give a bronx cheer to the sissy who couldn't "handle" it). If things weren’t palatable, then we’d probably drive our poor minds to insanity anyway, so I concede that the filter is necessary to a certain extent, but maybe there’s something to dismantling those repulsive reactions, so that the food of life comes in and is tasted without filter or judgment, or assessment of any kind. But that’s way outside the scope of this paper methinks.

So then I thought, well, what if I don't touch something, can I get the same kind of sensation (the sensation that I'm feeling something with my fingers first, and my hands second) just by dwelling upon it? Which made me to realize that that’s what I do with my friendships. It's like I'm touching them with an invisible hand [on the examination of the quality of connection within my relatioinships]. But then, okay, if I were to dwell on other things, all of which are in relation to me (a.k.a. the compilation of my experience/ego self) how would I be able to utilize it in an everyday scenario (which totally changes the concept of feelings from feelings to: just, feelings. as in "mind your feelings Luke" and so forth).

One example of an everyday situation I got from Joan yesterday. She's in this "noise" band, but she's not really into it, for whatever reason, and so, in observance of her behavior during rehearsals (she falls asleep, wishes she were elsewhere, yadda yadda) and by minding her feelings, she's determined that it isn't for her. But realizing that, is minding her “just, feelings”. Okay, I agree, this runs along the lines of what you were talking about earlier (do what makes you happy and stuff), so it's definitely something we're doing all the time anyway, but what is it that makes us happy? It seems to me that this fucking crazy, careening out of control bus with no breaks (yes, breaks) is culturally/socially/heritage-ally driven, so our historical reference point seems to create/reinforces/enforces what makes us happy, or that even the "pursuit of happiness" (jesus, we're driven from that far back?!) is what we should be tailoring our feeling experience around. I use the word “enforces”, because it seems like, if we are to deviate from that norm, then there's a sort of "frowning upon" that occurs about the use of our time or some such ridiculousness.

So then, to take it back to the Jedi realm, it seems to me, that outside of the pursuit of happiness, which, I understand doesn't necessarily mean that the things we do are only segmented in blocks of what we do (i.e. play in a noise band, travel the globe, blah blah blah), but that, within the framework of the things we do is everyday reality, and given that we have those pursuits, within the thrill of the chase there's the minding of our feelings in accordance to something. Is there a way to make it about nothing (no reference) and just mind our feelings (those knife edge sensations that arise, not the, sissy, mamby pamby "emotions" that are typically attributed to them) moment to moment for whatever it is that may come up? It kind of turns every second into an adventure of epic proportions because we're just paying attention to the way every thing in every second feels and whether those kinds of sensations can be utilized in whatever way imaginable. eg. like a mother fucking Jedi, biznatch, or, just, Jedi. To me it changes the set to one’s eyes to such a degree that there’s a certain kind of intensity, some kind of badass cowboys and injuns, sniffing the air and feeling for what’s what coming up around the next bend, could be a’scaplin’ or could be a nothin', but clarifying those feelings seems to lend a kind of sixth sense, if we were to keep to the idea of "just, feelings", as opposed to our feelings...

Rambling Rants Fed by the Food of Mood

Bored, bored, bored. Feeling a strange boredom settle in. Busy but bored. Bored busy. There must not be much fulfillment in what I’m doing (a.k.a. work). I’m working a job that is great by today’s standards and I’m pretty sure that there are some people out there, in the world, who would kill for this opportunity – in a more literal sense than metaphorical. Hob-knobbing with executives at a high powered company for decent pay and easy work, but I know there is more to life than working for “the man”, living paycheck to paycheck, or, saving up enough to point out the fact to everyone else that I don’t have to work paycheck to paycheck, or blowing the wad I get for the work that I do on cheetoes and heroine or some such.

I’m attempting to make this job a study of life in the corporate world. This helps me get by most days with a modicum of interest, but when I find myself actually enjoying what I’m doing (i.e. the tasks that have been requisitioned of me), my inner voice chimes in and says, “ah ah ah, no you don’t, you know this is not what life is about. Why even attempt to gear your mindset? Just keep doing what you’re doing or else I’ll bug you with boredom until you do. Just so’s you know...” Great, but then how I am I supposed to get any flippin' work done?!

So I make this a study of the human spirit, the human interaction, the human condition in an enslaved nation colony masquerading as a nation’s dream, and I find that I’m actually enjoying the navigational aspects of dealing with angels and demons, helpers and snakes, dog eater’s (no racial confluence intended) and backstabbers, snivelers and champions. It’s all found in here in this little patch of Universe, the stories of old that we refer to, shaped and molded into the present human experience, and I see that all people play a role in their own way whether it’s out on the farm in Lithuania, or under the white hot lights yet another poorly constructed porn set where the women look only half like they’re enjoying themselves, but really you know it’s more that they've sold their manufactured dignity for a decent chunk of change (no offense or judgment ladies, the service you provide is an exemplary one, although most men are too embarrassed to admit it), and what they’re doing has little to nothing to do with who they are, or who they would like to be, or who they’ve accepted or expected themselves to be. I study all this, but when I get down to my actual duties with any gusto it’s like I run into a brick wall of some kind, and then I end up writing it all down instead, when in my head I go, “Okay, back to work…after one more paragraph…” And how am I going to stop the stream once it’s started anyhow?

The boredom is an angry buzz in my midsection, causing my mind to flare up like a hemorrhoid on a hot sunny day at the local sweat shop. I try to breathe it away, which works to a degree, but it comes back once I set to it – my job that is. I guess really all I want to do is write things down, and have my voice heard for whatever reason I feel that it should, and I’m sure that can be judged several billion different ways, but fuck it, when I do what I’m compelled by my energy to do, that’s when I feel the most fulfilled. And then I ask the questions: why doesn’t everyone do that? Why don’t I do it more often? What is this aversion I have to sitting and writing out the things that I see? Fear of failure? Fear of succeeding? I could easily chalk it up to laziness, but that’s just a cop out. How can fail at writing anything? Here I am, writing. SUCCESS!

Maybe there’s the fear of failure I might see projected from other people’s eyes (as if they could possibly dictate what I feel is good, honest, earnest, artistic output), eyes that I can’t see when I’m writing, and even if I did, and they judge me “failure”, what’s it matter? Others may judge me successful. Why not listen more to them? Why not adhere to what they’re saying instead of their alter-egos (adherence is beside the point I suppose)? Everyone seems to have their audience (just look at the television, I like Chandler and Rachel, Kramer and Elaine, JD and Dr. Cox) and in this world of opposites, I guess that would imply that everyone has an anti-audience, or, those who would walk, or not care for what it is they’re experiencing from you, but if that be the case, then there’s no way any one endeavor can fail or succeed in an ultimate sense, so the fear is totally baseless. But then the tricky part is when the event horizon of performance comes to pass. Will I step up, or bow out? I guess that’s the mystery of it all, but since it’s not happening now, then it would seem that there’s no need to fret and worry about it till it is, if then even...

So now there’s this other side of the wooden nickel freshly taken, that side that says once you are in it, then bring what you’ve got with your utmost intensity, with your utmost concentration, knowing full well that there are those out there who will be wanting the same thing as you, to bring something of substance, and that there's not enough room for the two of you, and if they see that you have the wherewithal, maybe more than they do themselves (which is, like, umm…how could that be? You’re you, and you bring you to the situation every time, so someone being better or worse than you doesn't really exist, and if you’re looking out from your perspective and seeing that they’re getting more approval than you are, then maybe it’s not because they’re better than you in any way, just that the alleged approvers are seeing someone bringing something a bit more authentic, because that one person has let go of the role of saboteur and has decided to dive headlong, as headlong as they can, or maybe they're remembering what they saw on TMZ the night before), and you’re about to bring something real, they’ll try to stop it, because somehow, your success equates to their failure in some way, but then understanding that if/when they do make such an attempt, it’s because of their own fear of success or failure and that they haven’t figured out that they should bring their own intensity to the situation, and that really the only measure of success or failure comes from inside their nutty minds, and they apparently have some reconciliation work to do.

To me, it would seem, that if you’re bringing who you are to the table, then that’s really all you can do, for true, that will equate success in your own mind; it’s the only thing that quiets the fretful buzzing in your head/system. And if you’re busily attempting to sabotage another’s attempt to be who they be, then you really are succeeding at doing what you want, and you really are being yourself, only, what do you really want to be? Someone who plays off rhythm, or sings lackluster and off key when another is attempting to play their heart out just so they’ll trip up, or do you want to be the one who steps up in their own story and plays their heart out? Not to topple them for your own selfishness, but to augment the expression in a harmonious fashion. Then again, I guess you really are playing your heart out while sabotaging, only, what’s in your heart are all of the emotions and fears that create the general make up of the saboteur… You’ll be the automatic antagonist in a story where someone else plays the hero that you want to be, you’re sucked in to their story and you can’t get out. NNNNOOOOOO! Whatta fuckin' nightmare that sounds like. And whoever said that there couldn’t more than one hero in a story hasn't read enough comic books (did someone say that?). Do you ever see Batman trying to thwart Superman when flying in and saving a burning bus full of children that's careening out of control toward an oncoming hijacked train full of elderly passengers who were lazily enjoying their golden years, but unbeknownst to the lot them, the train is headed for an unfinished portion of track that leads over a thousand foot cliff? Me either. Heroes in the comics work together to bring down the villain in order to restore the balance and affect the super pose. True, not the end all be all kind of pose, but something to try out at the very least.

I don’t know how many people actually come into this life with that kind of attitude, so it must be a learned thing somehow gathered along the way. Anything learned can be augmented with learning of another kind though, I suppose. I wouldn’t say that there should be some kind of erasure of previous learning, because it seems like all experience creates the depth of the man (or woman, take it easy ladies), but the habits/recursive processes that prior learning has created can be altered to focus that energy on yourself in your own life to create your own painting (of which the center is not always the coolest place to look at). Unless, of course, villainy is what you’re truly after, which may or may not be the case, all I’m saying is…what was I saying again? Oh yeah, bored, bored, bored…